Our Souls They Blend
by bjames238
Summary: A.N. Day 7 of Snowbarry Week 2019 - enemies to lovers. Bit of a different ending for the third season finale. She's not Caitlin or Frost - she's both, unsure of who she is now. When she leaves Central City after HR's funeral, she's not alone. Their journey began as enemies, turned to partners & then lovers, & now they'll be together as one on the road to redemption/self discovery.


A.N. Title comes from the song "Can't Pretend" by Tom Odell.

* * *

She's going through Caity's - no her - clothes when there's a knock on the door. Really she needed to figure out who she was soon if only for referring to herself in her head. She really wasn't Caitlin or Killer Frost but she was still both too.

It was all just too confusing, and definitely nothing she was going to figure out with Team Flash breathing down her neck constantly.

She rolled her eyes when the knocking got louder, pushing strands of white hair out of her face. "Yeah, yeah . . . I'm coming geez." She sighed, discarding yet another unfortunate piece of her wardrobe in the pile she'd designated as 'trash'. She looked down at the ratty old college t-shirt, sweats, and fuzzy socks shrugging. Whoever it was could deal with her baggy clothes - she'd been in that damned uncomfortable dress and boots for weeks and now she just wanted to relax.

Holding one hand at her hip as an ice dagger formed, she cautiously made her way to the door. She may not be afraid of much but she wasn't stupid, knew how many enemies she had as both Caitlin and Killer Frost.

She slowly unlocked the door, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips as the wood creaked. "What the . . ."

Out of anyone she'd expected to find on the other side of her door, he was the very last person in all the timelines and multiverses and earths she ever expected to find. Her eyes grew wide at the sight of the familiar face, marred with the same scars.

"No friggin way, you're dead." Her jaw dropped as her body tensed, raising the ice dagger she gripped tighter, an identical one forming in her other hand.

"Yeah well there's a lot of that going around." He drawled. "If I recall, you died once too - not that long ago actually. No, wait - that was Caitlin. Though I must say this outfit is definitely more Caitlin than Killer Frost."

"Caity's still very much alive, as is Killer Frost." She shrugged, raising an eyebrow. He regarded her with an amused smirk. "What do you want, Savitar? How are you still alive - Iris shot you and you exploded into nothing."

"I'd say world domination, but that plan didn't exactly go as planned." Savitar rolled his eyes, leaning against her door frame. "As far as the how's and why's . . . still not really sure on that myself. I was written out of the timeline, I shouldn't be here. But alas . . . Woke up on the edge of the city with a killer headache and that fuzzy hangover feeling."

"That doesn't make sense." She shook her head.

"Nothing in our lives ever make sense." He shrugged.

She held up the daggers, her grip tight. "So why are you here at my door? Revenge?"

"Because you betrayed me?" He shook his head. "None of that matters anymore. I lost my shot, it's over. Ancient history. Besides, I know the strength of the bond you have with Cisco and the others. It was a mistake on my part to think otherwise."

"Bullshit." She was still tense. "You expect me to believe you're not here to kill me?"

"I'm really not." He held up his hands in surrender. "Whether you believe it's true or not. Either way, I couldn't if I wanted to - I'm not a speedster anymore. You'd freeze me to death before I could even attempt to do anything."

"Still might." She muttered, glancing around the apartment hallway to make sure no one was around. "Get in - before you wake the old hag next door."

"As if I need an invitation - not a vampire." He smirked, bumping past her and knocking the ice dagger out of her hand. It shattered when it hit the floor. "Oops . . . sorry about the mess."

"Doesn't really matter." She just made a new one to replace it, closing the door behind her. "Not staying anyways."

"No epic reunion picnic planned with Team Flash?" He raised an eyebrow, stalking around her apartment.

"It got canceled to have the funeral for HR." She scowled.

"Fair enough." He shrugged. "Though to be fair I didn't set out to kill him."

"No . . . just your good clone's wife-to-be." She still wasn't convinced he was as powerless as he said he was, nor that he didn't have some kind of agenda in this nighttime visit.

"Yeah well . . . she's infuriatingly resilient." He plopped down on her couch.

"Not going to argue that one." She hovered around him, still on edge. "Whatever you want, I won't work for you anymore. I'm done - with all of it. Team Flash, Team Villain. Just . . . so done. I need to find my own way, figure out who I am now."

"One woman mission of discovery, huh?" He nodded, laughing. "You really don't need those ice daggers. I'm no more a threat to you than a hamster."

"Who says I trust the hamster?" She pointed the daggers at him.

He sighed, rising to his feet and walking toward her. She tensed, ready to strike, but he simply put his hands on either side of her face. She jumped, but then relaxed into his touch. "You can feel it, can't you? When I was a speedster I ran hotter than the average person - I do recall you enjoyed feeding on it." She shivered, the ice from the daggers in her hands melted back into her skin. "Though I suppose I'm still warm enough as a human to still give you some relief."

"O-Okay, I believe you." She stumbled, stepping back away from him. She took a few deep breaths, her hand on her chest. A few strands of her hair bled back to its natural warm brown, braided in with the white. He grinned, entirely too pleased with himself. "That still doesn't explain why you're here. Why come to me?"

"Why wouldn't I come here?" He tilted his head. "You're the only one who saw past the scars, past the demons."

"I was a little busy fighting my own demons - still am." She huffed, pushing hair out of her face - all of it white again. "You're here because you don't have anywhere else to go."

"That is part of it, yes." He confirmed. "C'mon Cait, I refuse to believe I was the only one who felt it."

She shook her head, her hand on the side of her head. "What we had? That wasn't love. You manipulated me, exploited me. You used me."

"And I was wrong." He nodded. "Look, I fucked up - on everything. Okay? I know that."

"Ya think?" She scoffed. "So what if I did - feel something? The fact that you know that what you did was wrong doesn't change the fact that it happened. Or who we are, or what we've done. Neither of us can stay here - unless you want to spend the rest of your human life locked up in Iron Heights." She laughed at the sight of the hesitation on his face. "Didn't think about that, huh? The second that Team Flash finds out you're still alive, they'll have you locked up in a cage faster than you can say 'justice'. Doesn't matter if you're not a meta anymore or not."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Yeah well . . . maybe that's where I belong."

"Maybe you do." She mused, then tilted her head. If she were smart, she'd turn him in to Team Flash - or the police at the very least. He was a murderer, and a ruthless one at that. Speed or not, it was still him who'd done those things. That would certainly convince her (former) friends of her wish for penance. They might even welcome her back to Star Labs even as she was now, if she turned in the monster who killed H.R. and tormented them for months. But . . . was that what she really wanted? Caitlin wanted to go back to the life she had as Dr. Snow with her friends saving the city. Killer Frost wanted to go out drinking, partying, and taking her icy anger out on anyone who crossed her path. But what did she want? The person she was now? "Or . . ."

His head mirrored hers, brow raised with intrigue. "Or what?"

"I'm leaving town tomorrow - already booked a train ticket. Just need to, ah, tie up a few loose ends first. I . . . I think you should go with me."

Silence enveloped the room. Their eyes locked as his feet moved him toward her as if pulled by a magnet. The back of his hand brushed against the side of her face, his warmth making her cheeks flush. "You really want me to go with you?" He whispered.

"I do." She breathed out, taking hold of his hand in hers. She led him across the room toward the bedroom. "But for now, why don't we get some rest."

"Like actually sleep or . . ." He raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe a little bit of both. Part of me is still the responsible doctor after all. The other part . . . not so much." She grinned, tugging at the hoodie string of his sweatshirt. Her eyes flashed blue as she gripped his shoulders. "But both parts of me really want to kiss you. Among other things."

"Now that sounds like the perfect mastermind plan." His hands settled on her hips. "We should get started on that right away."

They continued to the bedroom, where they spent the rest of the night getting reacquainted with each other.

The next morning, she left while he was still asleep. Their train didn't leave for a few hours yet, and there was something she needed to do alone first.

She waited in the background during H.R.'s funeral, letting everyone say their goodbyes. And then Barry and Cisco spotted her, so she went to them. Predictably they tried to get her to come back to Star Labs, even gave her a new cure for her frosty issues. The conversation only served to make her more sure that the Team Flash life wasn't what she wanted anymore. She didn't tell them about Savitar, but she did tell them she was leaving.

She half expected them to trail her as she left, but there was no sign of them the entire way back to her apartment.

* * *

They're just getting shown to their seats on the train at the station when everything starts shaking and the lights flicker. Their heads turned and their eyes met, her panic mirroring his. "What the hell is that?" Flashes of red light spark outside the window of the train.

He sunk into his seat, releasing a heavy breath. "The speedforce. It's unstable - void without its prisoner."

"So the only way to stop it . . ." She trailed off. He nodded. "He'll do it. Barry will do it - he'll sacrifice himself to save everyone else."

He rose to stand. "Not unless I do it first."

Her eyes widened, arm latching out to grab hold of his. "Are you insane? You don't have any powers anymore."

"This is all because of me - what better way to make up for my sins than sacrificing myself where I'm supposed to be in the first place?" He reasoned.

"You're not a speedster anymore - what if it doesn't work? Then you'd be sacrificing yourself for nothing." She pursed her lips. "We're in this together, remember. You and me."

He tucked a strand of white hair behind her ear. "You've never needed any version of me - or anyone else - to realize your own potential - for good, for greatness, for accomplishment. Even in this confused and semi-merged state you're better than I ever was."

"You can't go, I won't allow it." Her eyes flashed blue and her voice lowered. "Barry will do it, and Cisco will figure out how to get him out. Eventually." She pulled him down to sit, the fabric of his sweatshirt frozen where she held it. "You're leaving with me."

He sat back in his chair, watching her with wide eyes and a smirk on his face. "Yes Dr. Snow."

She smirked, rolling her eyes as the glow receded. "I'm not a doctor anymore."

"Oh, but you'll always be mine." He winked.

"Next stop, Coast City." A voice sounded from the speakers on the ceiling.

"You ready for the next step in our lives, whatever that might be?" He squeezed her hand.

"I think so. Still not sure who I am or what I want. There's both Caitlin and Frost still in here." She tapped the side of her head. "But it feels different somehow, like I'm a third person who just has both Caitlin's and Frost's memories and feelings. I don't even know what to have you call me because both names feel off."

He nodded. "I have all of Barry's memories but I'm not him. I don't want the same things he does. And yeah . . . Savitar is quite the mouthful isn't it. But I'm not Barry."

"You could always go with Bart." She laughed and he rolled his eyes. "We are quite the pair, aren't we."

He grinned knowingly, "Yes we are. Whatever comes next, we'll get through it together." She sighed contently, leaning into him and laying her head against his shoulder. As the train took off, the red lightning storm outside disappeared and they both knew that Barry had gone into the speedforce to stop it. She knew it was only a matter of time before Cisco figured out how to get him out, and then Team Flash would be fine.

For now, it was just her and him and their quest together to figure out what was next.

_~fin~_

A.N. This one fought me the whole way through, I swear. Something just didn't feel right about Savitar and Caitlin/Frost's interactions. May or may not revisit this one in the future, just to satisfy my need to fix/finish it. For now, I go back to working on my multichapter Snowbarry fic, my Once Upon A Time collab with a friend, and a couple other fandom WIP's that are severely overdue for updates. Snowbarry Week has been fun though, I could definitely do another in the future. And, of course, being super excited/nervous for Crisis next week.


End file.
